Should men EVER dye their hair? A husband and wife battle it out

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The husband says

The humiliation for a male of admitting to it or being exposed as a practitioner of the activity means that the habit is a closely guarded secret, infrequently aired even with one's most trusted confidants for fear of mockery and ridicule.

And while adverts on television may show men confidently endorsing products while strolling along the street, sharing drinks with friends and engaging in all manner of manly activities like driving hot chicks along winding coastal roads in open-top sports cars, real men know life isn't like that.

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Root work: Tom is horrified at going grey and does not want to look 'dignified' while Sacha wishes he'd lost his bottle and come clean about ageing

No, the truth is that most men would rather be caught walking into a massage parlour than be seen purchasing a box of hair dye.

I noticed my first grey hair more than two years ago. A beam of sunlight coming through the bathroom window illuminated the solitary strand while I was shaving.

I obeyed my instinctive reaction and reached for my wife's tweezers, grabbed the end of the offending hair, and pulled it out of my head, letting out an almighty sneeze as I did so.

I didn't think that much about it, deciding it was just a random aberration rather than a harbinger of middle-aged doom.

The intervening two years have put paid to such wishful thinking.

The rate at which new grey hairs now appear on my head has increased from an occasional drip to a trickle as steady as it is remorseless.

If I were to try to pull them all out today, I'd look like a bald eagle before I finished.

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Hair dye fan: Paul McCartney, pictured with former wife Heather, has been colouring his hair for many years

I don't mind admitting that I absolutely hate the fact I am going grey. My wife doesn't mind, but this baffles me.

I cannot understand why she would not want me to keep my hair the colour it has always been. And I loathe it when people tell me that grey hair looks "distinguished".

Who wants to look distinguished? Looking like a reprobate is infinitely preferable, if you ask me.

That is why I have decided that despite the inevitable sneers and comments, I am going to confront this particular male problem.

I am going to dye my hair - and I don't care who knows it.

I talked about it with an older friend I had long suspected of dyeing his hair because of his youthful appearance - a fact he reluctantly confirmed - and he told me: "Start now! Fewer people will notice."

One thing I am absolutely determined about, however, is that I am not going to go the old-fashioned route of doing it myself.

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Greying gracefully: Actors Richard Gere (left) and George Clooney have avoided the hair dye, opting for the more distinguished look

You will never catch me in a steamy shower in rubber gloves trying to read the directions on the back of a disintegrating packet of Just For Men, and emerging with a head of hair that looks like a mop which has been dunked into a tin of black paint.

I am doing my research.

I have already started interrogating my female friends about the very best colourists they know.One fashionable girl told me that for a truly professional job I'd be looking at around £150 every six weeks or so.

I do concede that £150 is a lot for a bloke to spend on his hair.

But I think men have suffered too long at the hands of the idea that while it's OK for women to spend money on their appearance, "real men" are supposed to be able to roll out of bed, scrape their faces down with a rusty razor and still look like James Bond.

The problem with a man dyeing his hair is not that it shows he's vain, or shallow - it is simply that it's usually done so badly, it would be better to shave the lot off.

The wife says

In truth, he is hardly going grey at all but he's just got obsessed with it.

Every morning he painstakingly goes looking for grey hairs but really only has a few above his sideburns - they are hardly visible at all.

His argument that he should start dyeing his hair now, so that no one will notice as it gets progressively grey, is absolutely wrong.

Maybe men can't tell but women can always spot when someone has dyed his or her hair.

Of course, it takes you by surprise when you wake up one morning, look in the mirror and realise that you're not "young" any more.

I understand that.

But the reality of the situation is that while we are not exactly ancient, we are certainly not still 25. We have two children, and, like it or not, we are getting older, like everyone else.

It's not that I like grey hair - in fact, I have always loved Tom's thick, dark locks. I just want my husband to be honest and brave enough to embrace the ageing process.

I think it's wrong to attempt to hide the fact you're getting older from others - and from yourself - which is the main reason I'm against him using dye.

We do have a double-standard as a society when it comes to the different sexes dyeing their hair.

While it's acceptable for a woman, it's still seen as desperate for a man.

For a man, the only explanation is vanity, pure and simple, and that is not attractive. It's old-fashioned but I can't help feeling Tom should be above such concerns.

And, let's face it, men with dyed hair always look a bit odd - it looks wrong, somehow.

Think of Paul McCartney - I don't want my husband to look like that!

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